Log in

No account? Create an account
Look into my twisted eyes

> recent entries
> calendar
> friends
> profile
> previous 20 entries

Thursday, July 14th, 2005
1:32 pm
well i was doing a bit 'o archive reading on this old account of mine and decided to post and was too lazy to log out and re-login. ergo twisted lady is briefly coming back from the dead to tell about all my fun fun fun life.

last night was my first rugby game since ofsaa in gr 12. that means for overa year in a half i've been sitting on my ass and i was really out of shape for the game. i think i played an ok game and got faster as the game went on because mom told me i was running slow. and yes my mom came to my game for the first time in 4 years. it was actually really exciting and she said she'd come out again.

this morning i felt like i was going to die. sleeping on the floor after with 2 bruised knees, a seriously sprained ankle that's now rather large and swollen, and a bruised jaw, is not something i'd like to repeat. God i love this game!

anywho, this is a formal invite to all readers that i have a game against st. kitts next wednesday at 7 on the field on 2nd concession road and i'd love it if you came this time (with banners). plus you'll get to see me crush this very large obnoxious girl named tabitha, which is also one of my favourite pass times.

woot. go me. i am the epitomy of sex in rugby gear

p.s, i actualy said that infront of my grandma yesterday at the game

p.p.s- and i also wish that infront was a word. i think that if i ever write a story and publish it, i will spell it like that. and it'll catch on just like shakespeare.

[edit] also, lesbian night the other day was oodles of fun, and could only of been surpassed had i of found those oreos that i left at amanda's the day before. sadly, i'm freakishly addicted to the l word now, and hate to admit that i've fallen into a popular lesbian culture trap. also, why do all the hot lesbians live in l.a?

pffft. lesbians, i got to change right next to an entire team of british school boys for rugby. lauren you may now pang with jealousy...NOW, and me? well i couldn't stop giggling madly. mmmmmm half naked british school boys....

(cry with me)

Saturday, May 28th, 2005
2:47 pm
Well... i think i've decided to just shut down this lj for a while as really... i can barely keep up with one journal, and can't very well do 2 at a time. i wish i could, but really... i just don't have that much to say

THEREFORE anyone on this friends page who wants to continue to read about me, and go to my _classic_trash_ lj instead. done and done.

ALSO my computer at home is acting rather crappily and now i can't get on the internet. anyone who wishes to communicate with me in the next little while, please do by telephone 834-3752. get it? got it? good!

yesterday i kept relitively busy. in fact i think it was one of the fullest days i've had. had to rush out to st. kitts in the morning to buy mum's birthday present. was set back a little from the fact that 'the other sister' took the car keys to school with her in the morning, while i needed the car to get to the mall and back so jac could go to work at 2.

also dragged jac with me to the mall as i get panicky and can't pick out clothes for other people without a second opinion. today was my mom's birthday, and i believe she liked her gifts.

well.... that's all i think i'm going to say. goodbye

(1 tear drop | cry with me)

Friday, May 27th, 2005
1:03 pm
hello hello

my computer could blow up at any moment so i'll be brief.
i saw in the paper that there's a folf and art festival of some sort in st. catharines this weekend, anybody know anything about it? any one want to go?


(cry with me)

Monday, May 23rd, 2005
12:37 am
[edit] apparently before you couldn't really reply to comments on my new lj, i fixed it, if you want to be added, you can request it now.

(2 tear drops | cry with me)

Sunday, May 22nd, 2005
6:48 pm - what? another journal?
ok so i made another journal to get alot of the scary desperate rants off this one.

anyways, if anyone wants to read it it's friends only


(1 tear drop | cry with me)

12:55 am

for some reason i can't get myself to sleep.

..like once i lay down i'm fine. but actually getting myself to sleep is getting so incredibly difficult

also, i'm plagued with some sort of mysterious guilt/ anxiety.

it isn't fun.
*hates self in a non self loathing way*

tonight was a fun girlie night full of 'gossiping' and buring things, like all good nights should be... oh and cake... surprisingly enough there was cake.

tomorrow night festivities will continue at my house for more buring of things and roasting of things over an open flame. come one and all. thunderbay-ers are welcome to make the journey. i'll give you a nickel... and a place to stay. and mysterious phallic meat. i know. it's a tempting offer.

7:30 sharp! or... earlier.... or whenever you decide to come

well this post is over. going to watch a movie

(cry with me)

Saturday, May 21st, 2005
1:30 pm - Money money money, could be funny, in a rich mans world
I hate money. i really do.
not that i don't love having it to spend, but really i think i can do without it. i don't need to buy things to be happy. money is good only when it helps me to live comfortably, or really jsut have enough to eat and sleep somewhere. that's all. otherwise i can make due.

I hate how it controls people, and takes away their free time. some people are so obsessed with it that they think that getting as much as they can will make them happy. they'll give up their dreams just to make money.
i hate that i HAVE to make money to get by. someone could work twice as hard as another but make half the ammount as the other.

i hate the responsibility that comes along with having money. i hate lending money because i hate asking for people to pay me back, and i probably wouldn't remind them. I hate owing people money so so much. and i KNOW i owe some people money right now. don't worry. i haven't forgotten. you'll get it. i always pay people back. unless it was unintentional. but really it makes me anxious knowing that i have to pay money. still have money to pay for the house *eep* not good. it was due a week ago. geez. not entirely my fault as i needed checks from my mom and she didn't write them for me. oh well. they'll be in next week after the long weekend.

things like this make me think that i'll never really make it. i like to do things when i'm ready. if people take a while to pay me back, but asure me they will, chances are i'll relax about it and know it's coming sometime, or that they'll buy me something to make up for it.

the thing is i love buying things for other people, or paying for peoples meals and things, although i don't do it alot because i'm really quite poor. perhaps everyone will get a gift soon... maybe. as i'm feeling nice, poor but nice.

well... that's about all i have to say about that

(1 tear drop | cry with me)

Friday, May 20th, 2005
7:49 pm - That's right, i've been awake for 36 hours
yup. i made it the entire day without sleeping. well really sleeping, almost dozed off a few times, but i made it. sleep is for the weak, bitches!

anywho, i had a very lovely day.
was supposed to go buy goggles with kate today but that didn't happen as her house was invaded by teachers this afternoon.
SO, me and sarah went out to play today. we took a long walk on the beach and played in the water. it was really cold but really refreshing, and tiring. after that all the old men on the beach stared at us but it was funny. port colborne is just filled with pot-bellied men.

since i hadn't eaten all day i made the executive decision to go for ice cream, so we ate that while doing the only true port colborne thing... watching the boats go through the canal.

went back to our respective houses to change and then we came back to my house where i got in trouble for having the car all afternoon when jac was supposed to have the car so she could go to work. *oops*

took a nap in the back yard under the tree then came back in where i made grilled cheese for supper. that's really the extent of my frying pan skills.

now i'm friggen exhausted, but agitated enough to stay awake. *sigh*

(2 tear drops | cry with me)

8:30 am
well i'm back.
mum convinced me to go to the pool. she didn't so much convince me as she said... you're up, so you might as well do something.

so i went and swam for an hour even though i was dead tired after 5 minutes. i hate those situations where you think you've been doing something for a long time and then you look at your watch and really no time has passed at all. like waiting outside for a bus in the middle of winter wearing a t-shirt. time could never move fast enough.

anywho, finished up my laps and that was that. the old man that kicked me and kate in the face wasn't there. i hate that man. thinking he's so great and that he owns the lane. also as i was leaving mrs. minor was coming in. good ol' mrs minor. last year her and kate bonded over their love of michael phelps. i dont think she recognized me though, maybe she did, maybe i'm just charming.

and that's it. now i'm home, and i was so starving. i realized that all i ate yesterday was a hand full of fritos, a bit os salad, a large coke and a packet of nibs. so i'm enjoying a delicious apple right now. and by delicious i mean it's just a tastely apple. i don't know what kind, but i hate those apples that are so presumtious.

what else can i say. oh yes. this morning all i wanted was a really good cup of tea. at around 4:30 i decided to make myself a cup and then cozy in to watch a movie (the title i will not reveal as it was one of lauryns movie's and it's better you not know) anywho, so here i am ready to enjoy my tea and blerg. bad milk i think. not enough to make it taste really bad, but definitely enough to make it taste not good. so no tea then. at 5:30 i tried again. and the tea was good... or so i thought. half way through the cup i take a sip and get a mouthful of tea 'grounds' tea bag must've 'spolded or something even though i didn't leave the bag in. so no tea for me this morning. i know when to stop. *shifty eyes*
*makes tea*

and i'm getting boring.

*crawls away*

p.s I look absolutely terrible today! terrible! bad skin, black eyes, plus now i'm all chlorine-y-ish *furrows brow*

(cry with me)

6:55 am
anybody wanna go for a walk with me today.
i didn't sleep at all last night
but i think i'd like to go for a walk this afternoon, perhaps someone could give me some company.

in other news i watched my first sunrise this morning. well i mean i've seen them before, in passing or through an open window if i were up, but i went outside to see it today. it's rather nice. i'm more of a sunset kind of person, but it was still really beautiful. it's kind of nice doing something you've never done before.

well... it's 7:00, maybe i'll go to the pool *sorry kate*

(cry with me)

Thursday, May 19th, 2005
12:40 am - Last night i dreamed that someone loved me
Lately it seems as though all i do here is bitch about one thing or the other, and then turn around and say things that i like... and it's actually kind of fun. it almost makes me feel like people care about my opinon.. almost.

recentely, and by recently i mean over the past year really, i've been rather jealous. jealous or bothered no, not bothered, ok i can't think of the word. i'm not a thesaurus. and also, i'm not a jealous person. i don't have the energy to really be jealous of anyone, honestly if it's something i can fix i would probably try, and if it's something i can't, well then i why am i wasting my time being jealous. anywho, but what i'm jealous of is people with life direction... or really any career aspirations, as i sadly have none. when i think of it i don't really mind as i know i'll figure out something sooner or later, but telling people you have no career aspirations makes me feel like a loser, and not worth their time, just for that fact. only sometimes.
i'm actually really amazed at people who know what they want, and are prepared to get it and are good enough to get it, and most importantly have the drive to get it. that's what impresses me. passion. it makes everything worth while doesn't it? it's one to have talent and the ability. i have the ability to do many things. too many things for me i just kind of ...get stuck being mildly good at? but when someone knows what they want and they're driven to do it... now that's impressive. i'd be impressed with a person who wasn't going to have a career and just... farm all their lives or whatever, as long that's what they wanted to do, you know?
i've really only had a passion about twice in my life which were sadly short lived. i have no idea what i'm doing half the time, which kind of half amuses me at the same time, but of course on the other hand is frstrating beyond all reason.

right now being unemployed has given me alot of time to think. i really do nothing all day. of course i fill the day with semi productive things. i got outside and read, and walk and think, and i've been writing a bit, and brushing up on my terrible sketching skills, working out a bit, and these are all things that i like doing, quite a bit actually, but really i can't do that all summer, my parents wouldn't stand for that.

hmm... i had a point but i'm being kicked off the computer... once again.

(cry with me)

Wednesday, May 18th, 2005
1:31 pm - continuing of today continuing from yesterday
this is not to say that even i do not like the smell of lavender.
i think of all the scents in the world it is not one of my favourites, however there is a time and a place for lavender. in my rec room is not the place. it's too strong and i don't like it.

yup... that's all i have to say really... i started writing today.

(cry with me)

11:05 am
(con't from last night)
but you know what i really hate?

<---------------this lavender candle.
just over here

mum made me light it last night before the guest came

...stupid lavender

(cry with me)

1:28 am
OH GOD! Neve Campbell's hands are just sO HUGE!!!!

like... she could stop a train with those things!
or... a wave at least...
or a psycho killer

i lurve the craft
like... alot.. i'm honestly watching it for the 6th time in 2 days i'm sure.
and i just love everything about it.... mostly fairuza... and neve campbell's big hand... and robin whatsherface who couldn't chant enthusiatically even if her foot was on fire. and i love how painfully painfully inaccurate it is. like it almost hurst me how painfully inaccurate it is, and yet what a great movie

Luba says my basement is the most comfortable basement ever because no matter where you sit you can still see the t.v and everyone else in the room without straining. yup it's a good room. *message to all* come and visit me whenever you like. really. my basement is always free so just come by. i love company. invite yourself over even. just come. i won't turn you away.. unless you didn't bring a gift.
where was i? yes. comfortable basement. tonight luba lauren amanda kate and kevin came over and we played ...ATMOSPHERE the spin off of everyone's favourite video board game NIGHTMARE
it was fun once we got the hang of it. the GATEKEEPERwas much more fun in this one.. i wonder if that man only plays gatekeepers, much like the james dean and marilyn in pulp fiction who are profession impersonators in real life.
kevin won (as usual) he seems to have a knack for video boardgames and Life
my greatest fear is kevins' raw sexuality. gives me shivers. hahahahaha

what else... oh yes. i love oldies music.. alot
it really epitomizes all my emotions all the time. so simple. loving Carole King 'It's to Late' it really makes so much sense how could i not see it before. yup. so it goes

ALSO Petula Clark, popluar artist who hit the charts with her one hit wonder, (re-made popular by the movie 'Girl, interrupted') Downtown, apparently has another good song. it's about people sleeping in the subway... or not sleeping in the subway, or standing in the pouring rain. i think it's a love song of sorts. it's called "don't sleep in the subway, Darling" good ol' Petul.....


well i'm being sent to be. mum is mad..


(cry with me)

Tuesday, May 17th, 2005
3:07 pm
oh i'm so silly

honestly my car is just begging to be stollen.
today i went to get some beads and things to make a new necklace and i parked my car across the street from the bead place. as i was walking back to my car i felt my pockets and started to panic as i didn't have the car keys. as i walk up to the car i realize that not only did i leave the keys in the car, but also the doors unlocked (which i suppose is lucky) AND the windows undone. *face palm* i really could've just left the door wide open and the radio blaring with a sign on the windshield that says 'This car is not protected by any car alarm system'

luckily the car was not stolen.

i also went to the park today. i love going to the prk. i've gone so many times in the last week it's incredible. it just makes me feel good sitting out there.

ALSO.. i look really hot today and i want to do something tonight.... so... let's do something.

(1 tear drop | cry with me)

7:15 am
so i've had this weird re-occuring dream and this is the 3rd morning that i've woken up from it.

for some reason i'm at this weird boarding school type thing, i can never remember anybody's name. there's one girl named michelle though who ruffles my hair when she sees me. in the morning i wake up and i can't see anything clearly. you know the dreams where you're squinting, and straining to see but you can't. then i go down for breakfast and there's every kind of food there and the serving ladies are creepy. the guy in front of me always gets i ginormous burger and the woman put a catfish on it and it was really big and really gross, so i skipped out of line, picked up something in a box, a drink that i couldn't get to dispense, then i go to sit down and because it's been a re-occuring dream i know i'm supposed to find my new friends to sit with and they call me over and i tell them they they look exactly like my friends from home.
then i have a yoga class that i don't go to because i have to take the bus. i dont know why but i do, but i only just ride it so far and then me and a girl from school go back. today there was an old woman also on the bus. when i get back it's winter time, and the trail that leads down to the busstop is now really steep and much harder to climb because the ground keeps breaking up.
when i finally get up the room that was my yoga room is now a room that quizzes people on the tarot cards.

around this time my mom shakes me and tells me that she's going to work. it's around 7:30.

this is when the morning panic attacks set in and i can't go back to sleep despite my exhaustion.

(cry with me)

Monday, May 16th, 2005
8:46 pm
i feel tired and lonely this evening. i just really wanted to get out of my house for a little while. stupid house... so overbearing

anyways... probably will read. i have so many books. too many books that i don't read. i just keep buying them and going to the library. suppose i cold finish ender's game this evening. that'll knock one off the list

i have a car but no place to go *pouts*

(3 tear drops | cry with me)

3:34 pm - Mmmm... miss kitty, i feel so much...yummier
well... today was a good day. i must say

woke up this morning in the midst of yet another panic attack but that's alright, and i called the doctor this morning to sort something out. *hates doctors*

*...but also hates being afraid to leave the house*

anyways, so yes. appointment is thursday afternoon and i'll get all that stuff sorted out. *stupid brain*

also dad woke me up twice this morning, the first time at 8 when he found out i was making myself a doctors appointment

D: aylene?
A: dad? *groans*
D: you ok?
A: yeah? why?
D: making yourself a doctors appointment?
A: yup
D:anything you want to talk to me about
A: not really
D: anything i can help with
A: not at 8 this morning
D: wanna have a chat when you get up
A: not really
D: ok.. we'll talk when you get up

then he came in at 8:45, and the process pretty much repeated. i told him it was anxiety and there really wasn't much to talk about. he doesn't believe me and says there must be something troubling me *face palm*

THEN at around 10 he came downstairs to talk to me again about being a lesbian. even though i'm bisexual... he still calls me a lesbian. anyways, he said it was stupid of me to tell my friends and other people and that i should've kept it descreit because i'm not old enough to make these kinds of decisions. and that my friends will sell me out (to the gay police perhaps) and that 'people will talk' and that it's alright if my family knows... but no one else should. i said that would've been hard.. being in a relationship and all, unless you wanted us to meet in dark alleys under the shroud of darkness.

oh dad...

but other than those things i feel better today

(1 tear drop | cry with me)

9:42 am

...well i feel better.

*sucks teeth*

(cry with me)

Friday, May 13th, 2005
3:25 pm
requium for a dream makes me sad

(3 tear drops | cry with me)

> previous 20 entries
> top of page